pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
