i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You are a genius and a whore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
