She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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