TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
