So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
