I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
