and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
