I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
