everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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