I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
