I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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