ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
