If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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