It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
