Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize