it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
