yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
