Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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