I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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