do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize