i already hear my dad disowning me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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