how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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