First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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