you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
