i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
In America we eat man semen.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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