Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
