it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it's like iHOP with fire
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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