So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize