toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize