I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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