After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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