So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
