3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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