i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
