WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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