fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
