So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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