This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
