no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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