if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
