just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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