Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
