Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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