After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
