I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i came on her dog
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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