No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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