She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize