What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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