Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
