I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
