u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
