Someone shit on the floor
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
