I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize