I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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