Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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