I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
