You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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