i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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