oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
