something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
