the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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