So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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