So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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