So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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