these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
