Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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