So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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