okay pat passed out under dana's car
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
