I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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