i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
