Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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