She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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