garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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