So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
