somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize