try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
