he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
