..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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