I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We have so much sex to catch up on
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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