I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have already put on my inside pants.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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