Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize