I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
