i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
