went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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