My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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