Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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