marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
