I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
