my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
