What a fucking waste of an outfit
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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