Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
