Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
