no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize