Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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