I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
