Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
barbara walters just said penis...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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