why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
